you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
