1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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