what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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