all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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