So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i now understand why vodka
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
