my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FUCK WHALES
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