1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
