i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
