Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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