WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
