i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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