good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
