THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
