I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
