I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
