Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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