I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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