Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
