She announced her abortion via fbk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
