Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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