don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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