so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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