Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
