i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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