Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
