I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
