I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
