I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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