I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
