Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
