So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
