I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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