woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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