Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
