she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
