At least make sure they are 18
Why
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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