The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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