Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
