hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
