what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
