My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
