You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
