You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
