Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
