Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
