I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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