i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
