Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
