Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
