saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
