i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
