I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
